Week 2 Story: The Cursed Island
The captain inhaled deeply. The deep blue waves tumbled over
and over, slowly growing in intensity. The sky looked a normal, unassuming
shade of blue, but the captain could see the hidden greens and muted
yellows—the markings of a storm. As the boat rocked against the water, he
prepared for the worst. His instinct told him that the night would bring
treachery.
As the
Captain assembled his crew, a sinister presence on some island miles away began
their preparations as well. Theirs chants vile and loud rang through the night.
Torches were lit and glowing as the Rakshasi, she-goblins, preyed upon the
flesh of their male captives.
The captain
and the goblins’ paths were fated to cross the moment he set out onto the sea.
That night, despite his best efforts, the ship crashed against a wall of sharp
rocks, sending the men plummeting into the depths below. The goblins heard the
crash, thinking of their own motives, took the form of beautiful women. Their
powers enveloped the barren landscape of the ravaged island, making it look
lush, peaceful. They went and pulled the men out of the waters. Their new form,
inviting, pleasing to the eye.
The women
spoke kind words, asking them to stay. “Our husbands all were lost at sea,”
they told the men. “We have food, water, and shelter. Will you stay?” they
asked. The men agreed this was a good deal. To be married, have land, endless
resources, what more could they ask for?
As the men
grew soft in their lives, the women would sneak away from time to time,
planning their next move. Their hunger grew rapidly, they were becoming
restless. One night, the women snuck away once their husbands had fallen
asleep. They decided that tomorrow would be the night they turned on the men.
The pact was sealed. They devoured the remaining men in their prison, knowing
they would have meals for years to come.
When the captain’s wife came home, her true
nature showed through. As she nestled into bed, singing a quiet song of their murderous
plans, thinking her husband was fast asleep. Little did she know; her entrance
had awoken him and shook him to the core. When the morning sun rose, he told
everyone who would listen about what he heard the night prior. Some were shocked,
others laughed him off. The captain didn’t know what to do.
What
happened next, the captain would consider a miracle for as long as he lived. A
fairy happened to float by his path. Her glowing aura startled him at first, but
he was filled with calmness. “I hear you’re having goblin trouble,” she said
softly.
The captain
nodded. “Would you please help me,” he said, voice trembling.
The fairy
nodded, smiling at him. “Goblins are quite cruel, aren’t they? Of course, I
will help. Gather as many of your friends as you can. I will do my part when
night falls,” she said, disappearing. The captain did as he was told. It was
all too good to be true. The land, the women… He was able to round up a good
number to escape.
The group
of men approached a small clearing, away from the women. They said they were
tending to other business and would be gone for several hours. The fairy
revealed herself before them, this time with a radiant winged horse beside her.
A mischievous glint in her eye, she shrunk them down to a size so that all of
them could fit onto the back of her horse and sent them away with the wave of
her hand. The captain’s troubles were over just like that.
Now that
they were gone, the fairy had a mission at hand: eliminate the goblins. Though
she lacked in strength, she made up for in magical abilities. She was
outnumbered greatly, but she was more cunning than she looked. She still had a
few tricks left up her fairy sleeve. Years went by as she watched the goblins slaughter countless lives for their own selfish gain. She could stand by no
more. The city of goblins would meet its end that night. She would make sure of
it.
Bibliography: "The Goblin City" by W. H. D. Rouse
Author's Note: I liked the original story a lot, just not the ending. I decided to do a traditional retelling with a twist. I wanted to change it up a bit! I hope that was apparent at the last part.
Rakshasa Statue (Wikimedia Commons)
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Hey Ryeli! I thought you did a great job of setting the scene with your descriptive words and phases! The first paragraph was especially good. I also thought that it was creative that you added your own ending to the story. I also thought it was strange that the men that left and the fairy weren't concerned for trying to save the remaining men. I like that you used the fairy as the character that returned to rid of the goblins.
ReplyDeleteI thought your storytelling was very descriptive and gripping. I loved how you started your story and it really hooked the reader. I wonder if you could have used the great detail you did in the beginning of the story to explain how the fairy got rid of the goblins. The time you took to set up the beginning of the story seemed to be missing in the very end. I also was wondering what happened to the men that did not go with the fairy to safety? Did you set up the end to make the reader want to read more, maybe there is the set up to have a part two to the story? Overall I think you are a great writer and I think you are able to add in conversational parts of the story very well. My only complaint really is that you left the reader wanting more!
ReplyDeleteRyeli, I can't say enough about how impressive your writing is! The plot is compelling as it is, but through your words it was taken to a whole other level in my opinion. I think you've got a nice pace about this, too, with the many smaller paragraphs. Those goblins really seem like a piece of work! I'm not familiar with the original, but the concept of these Rakshasi luring men with their facades of charm to kill them makes for a suspenseful read!
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